Books Completed in March 2022

 

Rackham Vale by Brian Saliba & Craig Schaffer - This is a fun little RPG sandbox based on the art of Arthur Rackham. Now I love me a fiction built on reinterpreting a small body of work over and over again so this tickled an itch I once tried to scratch myself by running a whole D&D campaign based on Blood Mountain. The layout and editing are impressive (but not perfect) for a small project and the quality is nice for print-on-demand. I only wish there was a map included for the Alchemist's Tower - it's described as a "general adventure site" the DM can drop anything into, but many actors and factions have specific bits mentioned as being tied back to it, and it also describes some specific contents. The map of faction relationships is a useful tool I'm hoping to see more sandboxes take advantage of.

Upright Women Wanted by Sarah Gailey - "Are you a coward or are you a Librarian?" asks the cover of this novelette. It's a sometime-in-the-future believable US of America situation where an approved job for single, upstanding women is to travel the land distributing Approved Materials. Of course there's more going on and I... think I read a romance novel? It was fun, and Gailey's debut.

The Diary of a Napoleonic Foot Soldier by Jakob Walter - Pulled this one off my wife's shelf of college history books. Anytime anyone starts talking about war in a glorious fashion you should be allowed to slap them with a copy of this book. The suffering described in here in such straightforward, work-a-day terms is horrifying. I cried a bit for a man one-hundred-fifty-years dead when he described finding some peas in a kettle, then having them ruined when a fellow soldier's added fat turns out to be soap. There's a weird passage where they're cured of "the fever" by a travelling stranger who writes a spell on scrolls for them to eat. This edition has a collection of six letters sent from the frontlines that never made it home: Soldiers begging their families to gather up some money so they can buy shirts or some bread, mostly. Reading this made me appreciate the third amendment in a new way. 

How to Take Over the World by Ryan North - The spiritual successor to How to Invent Everything, this is another broad popular science book that explores some of the boundaries of what science is capable of right now. The lens it uses is teaching you to become a supervillain, something North can claim expertise in as an established comics writer. My favorite takeaway was that there's a possibility in the far future that our then red giant sun could be close enough to Titan to turn it into an Earth-like environment, which could allow for a second run of evolution within our own solar system. The comic illustrations by Carly Monardo really help carry the points home.

Finna by Nino Cipri - A wild novelette about the (interdimensional) horrors of capitalism. "Oh yeah we used to have a team that would go into the planar rifts to retrieve lost shoppers, but we downsized them in the 90's. Now it's up to the least-senior team members. You get some gift cards!" And of course the two that have to go on this journey recently broke up a stormy relationship. On the way the author has a solid exploration of dealing with depression and anxiety and gender identity. Plus swordfights and retail zombies and carnivorous chairs.

Charlotte's Web by E. B. White - Grabbed this out of a little free library while walking the dog. E. B. White liked to make lists apparently. He made a list of the things Wilbur the pig ate, things at the farm's dump, types of cars parked at the county fair, things a rat might eat at said fair... there were others. It's caused me to make a list of lists. What a weird and melancholy book though. Reading it now, the part at the fair where they announce a special prize for Wilbur the pig and everyone's just like "Guess he's magic, huh?" and everyone claps and the dad gets $25 stands out as how I sort of imagining the adult world would work when I was a little kid.

Harrow the Ninth by Tamsyn Muir - It takes a special kind of cheek to use "Well, jail for mother" as dialog in your novel but Muir pulls it off. I admit I did have to check online a bit to see what was going on here. This novel is intentionally confusing but that can be hard to make sure of if you haven't read the first one in a few years. Describing events contrary to what happened in the first of the series, and doing it all in second person, is a gamble to convey Harrow's fractured mental and emotional state to the reader, but sticking through it I do think it all (mostly) comes together in the third act and pays off. There was a lot of setup in here for the next couple books and now I feel like I'm beholden to them. (Also, "none pizza, left beef" and Homestar references sprinkled in.) 

Blueberry Hill Cookbook by Elsie Masterson - I didn't read this cover-to-cover, but I did read the preface, each section introduction, and skimmed all the recipes. What was mostly interesting here was this physical copy was my grandmother's, so it's got little annotations throughout, mostly "good!" or "very good!". Also it's full of pressed four-leaf clovers - I'm not sure if those were hers or my mom's. The book itself has an assertive tone, with a repeated sentiment of "if you can't get these ingredients exactly, don't bother." For 1959 the curry recipe is downright assertive with two whole tablespoons of curry powder (preferably imported).

Books Completed in February 2022

 Am I doing this every month now?

unnovations from zeppotron.com - This is a print version of a catalog of fake items from their website back in the 2000s sometime. Popped into my head and, though I wasn't able to find a decent archive, I was able to pick up this print copy on the cheap. This is a perfect example of the kind of humor I often find hilarious and leaves my wife stone-faced cold. Absolute nonsense presented as staid fact. Products include "The pocket hand-expansion bee that helps you appease Chad Michaels, woodland god", "Could this be the world's most dramatically effective baker-infuriating hat?", "Flying onion-and-sock squadron keeps mewling kids out of your hair for a second", and "The mouthless stumbling boy creature that shakes illegal intruders to the very core". Dumb.

The Book of Imaginary Beings by Jorge Luis Borges - I have a feeling this was not meant to be read cover-to-cover, but I've been reading RPG bestiaries that way for so long it felt natural. And there is a lot in here that could be harvested for a game. Humans made of shifting patterns of heat, and the conceptual ancestor to the salamander, the pyrausta. There's more than a dash of orientalism in here--alongside including Biblical and Talmudic creatures it makes for a surreal read, but I guess that's Borges.

The Secret History by Procopius - The Bright Ages, which I read last month, basically dedicates a chapter to this ancient screed. I had started in on it a bit last year but came back after reading that, so I have to admit to some prejudice in my read. The hate-boner for Theodora is on display. I was struck by how many of Justinian's described flaws reminded me of our 45th president--some incompetencies are consistent across the centuries it would seem. The mention of the monstrous whale Porphyrius was a surprise that I am stealing for a game.

Riot Baby by Tochi Onyebuchi - This was a hell of a way to kick off Black History Month. Not sure what to say here, or if it's my place to say anything at all or just hush and read the thing. I guess I'll say the parts that are speculative are chillingly believable.

Food (The Nib #11) - A quarterly comics compilation from thenib.com which I get from subscribing. My favorite entries in this installment were about the history of yams, and about feeding migratory vultures in Thailand. The longer form entries didn't click for me for some reason as much as the ones in previous issues had, though.

The City We Became by N. K. Jemisin - Among other things, this is a paen to New York City. A lot of that was lost on me--I've only been once, and the things that were described as making it wonderful here didn't connect for me. That said, all the other things this story is connected like a brick, and I'm looking forward to the next two books. Writing horror and writing horror movie imagery are different beasts, and the latter usually falls flat when attempted, but she makes it dance (writhe)? The chapters where one of the characters is facing down both otherworldly horrors and a real-world doxing simultaneously really stuck out to me.

All Systems Red by Martha Wells - This novelette confronts a surprising number of questions about free will and the borders of humanity for a story whose protagonist is named "Murderbot". You'd expect more action sequences, but the ones here are crisp and meaningful. The speculative nature of a future dominated by lowest bidders is perhaps too easy to believe right now.

Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde by Robert Louis Stevenson - Spoilers for a 130-year-old book coming up. One thing that popular culture has turned around in this story over the decades is having Hyde be hulking and Jekyll being a meek little man. In the original, Jekyll is a robust man, and Hyde is smaller and wizened, which the doctor speculates might be due to his evil nature not having been exercised much in his life so far. The story leans on a trope I don't think you see much these days, but still has legs--a scientist compounds some incredible formula, but one of the ingredients in the original batch is impure in a way they cannot rediscover. Speaking of tropes, you don't get many people dying of shock over the course of several weeks these days.

The Illithiad by Bruce R. Cordell - I discovered this while cleaning the basement, having thought it lost or sold years ago. It's a fun little splatbook from AD&D 2e all about mind flayers. I wonder how some of it would actually be used at the table, but it does have possibly the creepiest psychic power ever published for D&D: "Crisis of Breath", which shuts down the target's automatic breathing, forcing them to focus on it, to the point of foregoing sleep. The formatting is very weird, with the font just changing to a narrow sans-serif for a few sentences seemingly at random, then switching back. Not sure if it was a conscious decision or they just rushed it to the printer.

Lego Dungeon: Oblivion's Kite

The impetus for this was a few handfuls of Lego spilling from a broken bag, then deciding to see if I could use them all in a single structure. Not to scale, more of a sensory homunculus, but for adventure instead of touch.

Graphic design is my passion.

Astral barge. Would crumple in reality.

It is primarily a cargo ship but supplements its means by transporting prisoners, gathering interesting materials from far-flung corners of the multiverse, and light opportunistic piracy.

The Animus Drive

Contains two pocket dimensions, one with an angel (Xuxara) and one with a devil (Araxux). They can see each other but can't cross the boundary. Their shared hate is captured by the enclosure and provides power and thrust through a realm of thought.

There is a maintenance shaft that leads into each dimension from outside. Being here bathes anyone in a wash of leaking conflicting energy. It's radiation poisoning that is also judging you.

These beings now desire only destruction. If one is freed, it will immediately seek to ravage Oblivion's Kite and its crew. The one still locked away will go apoplectic though, causing the ship to accelerate wildly for a while. If both are freed, they will immediately engage each other in a duel of annihilation long-delayed.

Solipsistic Baffle

The primal conflict in the Animus Drive is deflected by a long arm carved with backwards-facing runes and spells and rituals of nothingness. This entire structures is devoted to negating the presence of the drive, other than channeling a modicum of its power towards the ship's shields and life support.

Exposed to the astral winds. There is no atmosphere or gravity here. Lined with handholds and spars for when repairs are absolutely needed.

Can drop paradoxes in its wake. Basically drops a wall of force at the direction of the helm each turn.

Hull

The bulk of the Kite, but mostly dedicated to tight corridors and storage. There is a large hatched airlock on each side with a dozen or so leather atmosphere suits at the ready should the crew need to venture outside the hull for repairs.

The hull's exterior is studded with crimson nodes that draw on the vast reserves of the animus battery to emit a force field. These fields overlap like scales, protecting the Kite from astral winds and attackers. If manned by a crew member, the nodes can also release a magic missile spell every round, though doing so redirects the power such that they do not project a shield that round.

Humped up above the quarters are the storerooms. Years' worth of foodstuff, water, salt, cloth, wire. Some rooms haven't been visited in years. These may contain stranger things, or the haunt of a lost crewmate or stowaway.

Slung below the quarters is the battery. Thousands and thousands of glazed red clay jars each containing a tiny fragment of Xuxara & Araxux's animosity. All wired up and into the hull of the Kite with a mesh of fine silver wire, supplying power throughout. A huge silver cord runs in from the Solipsistic Baffle and branches, branches, branches to feed the battery pots.

If an amicus pot is disconnected, it maintains its charge. If it breaks, it explodes like a small bomb. Opening the lid and huffing the hate inside charges you up like a berserker for a bit.

Checkpoint

Isolates the more sensitive portions of the Kite from the day-to-day of the crew, guests, and, tacitly, the Obliterati. Guarded by Warden Mongdubak and their spiders. 

There is a maintenance crawlspace accessible from the exterior of the baffle, which leads to a small chamber beyond the checkpoint. Most of the crew know about this space, and feel slightly smug about Mongdubak's posturing for it, though it is seldom used because of the dangers its exterior access incur.

Iron Brig

Oblivion's Kite makes some of its way by ferrying troublesome prisoners, hostages, and scions between realms. These unfortunates spend their transit in the Iron Brig.

This is an iron cube, 30 feet on a side outside, 20 feet inside, and laced with silver wire that channels animus energy to be variably magnetic. The magnetism is controlled either by a ring worn by the warden, or from the helm. Prisoners are fitted with heavy iron bracers, anklets, and gorget. The magnetism can be disabled for the compliant, or ratcheted up to hold even the strongest locked against the floor and wall.

The Iron Brig can also be detached from the Kite by a hidden control on the helm. 

The Vivarium

A green hill with a sweeping view. It's mostly extremely skilled horticulture, but there's a smidgen of dimensional magic at play here.

The centerpiece of the vivarium is the colossal scion tree that holds grafts from a thousand worlds. If you need a rare or supposedly extinct fruit or leaf, there is a good chance a small number can be found here. However it's also extremely likely to trigger latent and unknown allergies in anyone who approaches it.

Astral Wing

A delicate blue structure that sticks out from the bulk of the hull's protective force scales.

The Forageurs trail the fingers of a gauntlet-like artifice through astral winds, sweeping them into glass vials for analysis and preservation. These winds carry memories and emotions--the Forageurs are mostly academics, but help fund the Kite's operations selling some choice experiences to discerning clients.

The massive sensor array trailing off from above helps orient the helm. If it is damaged or tampered with, piloting the Kite becomes more difficult. The Forageurs tend to tweak the data it sends to try and lead the ship to unexplored realms.

Helm

Control array takes the uninitiated some challenging Intelligence checks to figure out and control, though the captain and first mate are extremely familiar with it, and any crew member could try in a pinch. The Kite navigates relative to astral color pools, and has a huge store of maps and charts it can pull up in a crystalline display.

If the Kite is in distress the hull's manifold magic missile nodes can't address, the helm can be brought to bear. A cannon looses a stream of pure vitriol, basically blasting out a disintegrate spell every other round.

Cathedral of Oblivion

The vacuous throne is occupied by Their Absence as they travel the realms spreading the nihilistic gospel of the Obliterati. Unknown by the crew, the throne can activate a stasis field and detach itself from the main of the Kite, allowing Their Absence an escape should the ship find itself seriously endangered.

From the observation deck Their Absence preaches against a backdrop of majestic astral desolation, sealed in a dome of force.

The Obliterati are tolerated on the ship because they have captured and now maintain the spiritual energies in the Amicus Drive. Their whisper network also generally leads the Kite to the Iron Brig's next occupant.

Cargo Bay

The most mundane method of providing for the Kite, though any cargo deemed fit to be shipped across the astral plane likely makes "mundane" seem extremely relative. Also the site of the largest bay doors.

Factions

The Crew

A hundred or so of all species. 

Control: Hull, cargo, helm, baffle, crawlspace

Ideals: Efficiency, drunkenness.

Captain Keloid: A leather golem made of the hides of a dozen previous first mates and stuffed with shards of broken animus pots. Wears a bandoleer of animus pots. Cares only for the survival of Oblivion's Kite. And knitting.

First Mate Red: Human, seeks luxury in all things. The crew finds them rather aloof and prim, but cannot deny their sense for finding rich marks and unerring fairness in dividing up spoils or profits.

Bosun Grigoriun: Arithmomanic gnome. The only one who knows the contents of every room, crate, and sack in the hold, and the charge of every amicus pot. 

The Obliterati

A dozen or so, all of a nameless race that settled the astral plane millennia ago. They are gangly bipeds with semi-translucent azure skin, solid black eyes, nails, and teeth. They can redirect their nerve impulses to control their sense of pain and generate electrical shocks.

Control: Cathedral, drive, brig

Ideals: Nihilism, grandeur.

Their Absence: The nameless leader. Favors a huge translucent cloak in which float oily rainbow images of astral winds.

Warden Mongdubak: Canny ranger whose spider allies hide in numerous small alcoves of the checkpoint to help poison or restrain any who would attempt to pass the checkpoint unapproved.

The Forageurs

As diverse as the crew. Dedicated to exploring and collecting samples from across the multiverse, gathering knowledge for knowledge's sake.

Control: Scoop, vivarium, checkpoint

Ideals: Exploration, preservation

Tender Small: Ancient halfling horticulturist who has dedicated their life to the scion tree. Knows where each graft came from, its health and specific needs. Always eager for new branches and fruits.

oon'Bwee b'b'Beh: The enigmatic master of the astral wing's gauntlet. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qQ6qw1nh0tA 

12 Greenwater Premade Characters

I have been noodling on an adventure-in-a-box with simple premade 5e characters for a while. It would be based on my first dungeon map from, oh, thirtyish years ago.

Here they are as they stand, based on some combination of official 5e sidekicks, the Unearthed Arcana approach, and whatever I felt like. Four warriors, four experts, and four casters, each ready to face a challenge in the temple at the edge of their town. The hope is that everyone in an online group would be able to pick a column out of this spreadsheet in a minute or two, then the DM hides the others, and we're off.

https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1inS0S0eb8PCRIUcjfzguGGgbihuexiRSMkO5VKGQnv4/

These use the alternate rules from the DMG where there are no individual skills, just ability checks. It's pretty clear except for expertise. Here expert characters get to double their proficiency modifier for one ability's checks.

Casters, of course, require a little more consideration. They can choose between ritual casting and armored casting. Here are their spells and magic rules boiled down to a single page each. The grandparent is the oddest of the bunch, for sure.

https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1OcNjERLh75Q_YB0gYP7dLC9eiKxJkE2y 

Some spells and effects in this adventure are different from published rules. Mainly, healing via second wind, potions, or magic restores 2d4+2 HP. That's just to keep things simple in the mind of new players. 

Considering how to manage leveling up in the course of the adventure, if at all.

Books Completed in January 2022

 I have never done this before. Let's see how it goes.

Black Sun by Rebecca Roanhorse - Epic fantasy in a world inspired by Native American legends and lands. There was a lot of world-building in the first half that landed kind of hard, but this is the first in a series and now that the setting is established I'm going to check out the rest. It's heavily about political intrigue, which I'm not used to reading, and has a huge cast, which I always kind of get lost in, but that's all on me and reading more stories like this is a good exercise. It'd be fun to play an RPG campaign in this setting for sure.

The Wizard of Oz by L. Frank Baum - I've read this a few times before, but wanted to get a fresh read in to compare with Wicked. The scene I'd forgotten entirely is the land of porcelain people. There's a part where the Cowardly Lion leaps over a wall, but knocks over a church in the process. I don't know, it felt like someone was describing a black and white inscrutable political cartoon but I couldn't figure out what it would be about.

Piranesi by Susanna Clarke - An otherworldly excursion and mystery, with beautiful, evocative writing. It's needed if you're describing statues for pages and pages. The ending kind of went awry for me on a few points, but I thought the way the main character's internal conflicts were reconciled was a different take than I'd ever seen before.

Ring Shout by P. Djèlí Clark - Presenting the KKK as literal monsters is fantastic. I've read a couple other stories by Clark before but this has been my favorite. So many scenes and characters that popped clearly in my mind, and three women protagonists written well by a male author, which is refreshing. Would love to see the mythos presented here explored further, it's a rich vein. 

Wicked by Gregory Maguire - My friend Jen mailed me this. I had never thought to read it before because the snippets of the musical I'd heard were ear-rendingly awful, but this was some of the best fan fiction I've read. Jen and I talk about world-building sometimes, and we both though this handled the task deftly, never forcing characters to speak about things in a stilted way for the sake of the reader. And we all know what's coming at the end, basically, but that short chapter is a real fine death scene.

The Drac by Felice Holman and Nanine Valen - A small collection of short stories inspired by French folklore. The authors appear to be scholars of the subject. Gameable.

The Ten Thousand Doors of January by Alix E. Harrow - This was an interesting one to read in the same month as Piranesi. Not much I can say without spoilers, but this was an intricate story, and I usually have trouble following those, but I sailed right along with this. Another masterclass in world-building here.

The Empress of Salt and Fortune by Nghi Vo - More fantasy intrigue. A delicately crafted little setting, much implied by what's not said, and a clever titular character who is met only through many layers of memory and mementos. A tidy novelette that uses its form well. 

Our Oldest Companions by Pat Shipman - A popular history of the domestication of dogs. The author must be interesting at certain dinner parties. I could not at first figure why she was making some of the points she was making, but it all sort of came together in the last chapter. She's clearly passionate about the subject. I also learned a truly horrifying method of hunting polar bears!

The Bright Ages by David M. Perry and Matthew Gabriele - A broad study of medieval history with a focus on dispelling popular conceptions of nations in the past as static and insular. The afterward states the authors were at least partially focused on tearing down myths used to support nationalism and white supremacy - I would have liked that stated up front, it made the text clearer in retrospect. What I learned from this book is that I have not read enough history books.

d666 Quirky 5e Magic Items

Expanding on this post of magic item features and quirks by using each as inspiration to tweak six randomly chosen 5e magic items.

Note some of the scrolls are replaced with other physical objects - they should still work like single-use magic items who learned casters can study and pry secrets from.

11 - Command Jewel. The item has a corresponding piece of jewelry of similar make which must be worn for it to function.

1. Potion of Healing. Inert until touched by someone wearing a bloody iron crown. Favored by marauders and tyrants to help ensure loyalty, and prevent succor from being seized by their enemies or victims.
2. Wand of Web. Has an attendant wand which must be used to shape the strands as the spell is being cast, like a conductor's wand. Takes a hand, but could be wielded by someone else.
3. Spell Scroll, 2nd Level (Magic Weapon). Can only be cast from the scroll by being wrapped around a mace head, but this effect does not require concentration.
4. Figurine of Wondrous Power, Bronze Griffon. Can be activated by anyone, but the summoned gryphon only obeys the one wearing the matching electrum ring shaped like an odd bridle.
5. Cloak of the Bat. Can only be used to fly while wearing a pair of matching (non-magical) bone rings with egregious, extended prongs to support the wings.
6. Goggles of Night. Attached to a small cage worn atop the head, these only function while a night-going animal is imprisoned within.

12 - Crawling. At a command word, the item will sprout dozens of tiny legs and begin moving at speed 5 towards the speaker. It can climb walls easily.

1. Dagger of Venom. Shaped like an outlandish insect. Can creep to deliver its venom to a sleeping or helpless target (Speed 10, climb 10, Stealth +5).
2. Potion of Climbing. Actually a tiny gray ooze in a thick glass bottle with containment runes around the lip. Drinking it is """safe""", but breaking the bottle releases the ooze.
3. Spell Scroll, 1st Level (Longstrider). Constantly inch-worming about. Must be carefully contained and will actively try to pull away while being cast.
4. +1 Shield. Thick insectoid carapace. Loves being thrown. It will skitter back to its owner on a hundred tiny legs at a frisky pace afterward.
5. Wand of Polymorph. Any shape imposed by this petrified stick insect has numerous extra antenna, twitching vestigial legs, and/or pedipalps.
6. Headband of Intellect. Preserved giant centipede wound into a tiara. The wearer's head is crawling with ideas. Pick them out and send them crawling to someone else, like message but moves 5' a round.

13 - Dormant. This item isn't sentient, but roll on the sentient magic items "special purpose" table. Its powers won't awaken until some action towards that purpose is taken.

1. Potion of Youth. This floral liquor won't even register as magic until it's quaffed by a dying gnome, at which point it's also a potion of extra healing.
2. Staff of the Python. Won't convert to a snake until you've subjugated someone above your station.
3. Spell Scroll, 1st Level (Fog Cloud). Made of fluffy knitted wool, a bit like a small blanket. Will reform and be reusable if someone falls asleep within its vapors.
4. Staff of Swarming Insects. Has extra charges, but its giant insects don't obey you and its insect cloud doesn't move with you. Impressing a hivemother might help.
5. Ring of Jumping. Made of soapstone. Does nothing until you leap into the middle of a charged political situation.
6. +1 Maul. Gnarled and ceramic. It is originally nonmagical but gains a +1 enhancement (up to +3) every time it deals the killing blow to an elven wizard.

14 - Dousing. Use an action to know the direction to the nearest source of drinkable water within 1,000 feet.

1. Spell Scroll, Cantrip (Fire Bolt). When cast from this scroll, all water sources in 100' of the target briefly seethe and steam.
2. Potion of Storm Giant Strength. Cloud in a bottle that must be inhaled rather than drunk. Its effects also center all clouds within miles on you for the next day.
3. +1 Crossbow Bolts (20). These iron bolts veer towards water. Advantage on attacks against water elementals.
4. Potion of Healing. A thick and pungent sap. It inflicts the drinker with a terrible thirst.
5. Gauntlets of Ogre Power. Riveted steel with large shovel-like protrusions or claws. Can also be used to dig wells mightily.
6. Rod of Rulership. Imposes disadvantage on saves against its effects against any being which had drunk, in the past day, from a water source you control.

15 - Eye. A single milky eye glares prominently out of the item. It flicks about, focusing on subjects seemingly at random.

1. Potion of Healing. A rubbery, juicy yellow eye that pops in the mouth.
2. Horn of Valhalla (bronze). Studded with milky agates. The berserker spirits it summons are blinded with cataracts, and cagey as a dozen battlefield-led lives.
3. Cloak Of Arachnida. The clasp bears eight iridescent black-green stones. They tremble and flex slightly at all times.
4. Spell Scroll, 4th Level (Locate Creature). Conjures a hovering eye which glares in the direction of the spell's subject.
5. +2 Arrows (20). Fletched with gently shuddering eyelashes.
6. Sentinel Shield. Its otherwise abstract emblazonment focuses into an eye when a threat is detected.

16 - Fading. The magic of this item was not sealed properly, and it will only last for another 2d12 months.

1. Spell Scroll, 1st Level (Compelled Duel). Will only last for 6 more months. It is written with a specific romantic target in mind and won't work past their wedding day.
2. Wand of Secrets. Shimmering blue gas in a glass tube. It has 7 charges but cannot recharge or be recharged - the gas slowly fades until the last charge is used, when it goes dark.
3. Gauntlets of Ogre Power. They're made from real ogre skin. They'll die with the ogre that supplied it. Who'll only live another couple months without their hands.
4. Potion of Resistance (Psychic). Pallid amniotic fluid with an embryonic brain floating in it. It'll only be good for 9 months, and then the mind within will awaken.
5. +1 Blowgun Needles (50). Gain their magic from being harvested from a great living vine. They'll dry out and curl to worthlessness in a year.
6. Giant Slayer (Battleaxe). Hewn of solid ice, it will melt by next summer solstice.

21 - Fire Starter. Use an action to produce a tiny flame suitable for lighting a torch or candle.

1. Spell Scroll, 8th Level (Mind Blank). If rolled up and smoked like a cigar will allow the smoker to burn away a single memory.
2. Ring of Jumping. You leave a trail of sparks over wherever you jump using this bloodstone ring. They will ignite anything very flammable like leaves or paper.
3. Ioun Stone of Leadership. Trails faint sparks when active. With an action, light the torch or lantern of anyone who has sworn fealty to you, out to a mile radius.
4. Potion of Superior Healing. One drop burns like a pint of oil in a lantern, but each drop spent decreases the potion's healing done by 1.
5. +2 Rod of the Pact Keeper. Can also use an action to create a huge but harmless flame visible from up to a mile away in which can be seen a visage of your patron.
6. Wand of Web. The webs it creates automatically catch fire at the end of the caster's next turn. Small natural spider webs in a 10' radius singe away as the bearer travels.

22 - Folding. Use an action to fold this item to a tenth of its normal size and weight, or to unfold it.

1. Spell Scroll, Cantrip (Shillelagh). Can be rolled up impossibly small, would fit inside a hollow walking stick easily, and can be cast from the scroll while in such storage.
2. Eversmoking Bottle. Folds inside-out into a puff of smoke that can be gently guided along or kept in a bag.
3. Ring of Jumping. Copper and steel wire ring that folds up into a tiny animatronic cricket that can chirp just like the real thing.
4. +3 Wand of the War Mage. Can also be folded another way such that its small end extends into the border ethereal. In this shape its bonus drops to +1 but it can target ghosts and other beings on the border ethereal you can see.
5. Goggles of Night. Fold into a discrete pair of spectacles.
6. Potion of Healing. Dried fruit that has to be gently stewed to reconstitute and activate its healing effects.

23 - Holy Symbol. The item is, or heavily incorporates imagery of, a holy symbol, and can be used as such an implement.

1. Stone of Good Luck. Probably the symbol of a god of luck or fortune. People will have a hard time refusing a wager where this is offered as your stake.
2. Potion of Climbing. If smashed against a hard surface, this potion will scrawl itself into a holy image that lasts 10 minutes.
3. Ioun Stone, Leadership. Also an orbiting holy symbol. Doesn't take up a hand.
4. Spell Scroll, 2nd Level (Alter Self). If cast from the scroll, the form granted by this spell lean one towards the appearance of the dedicated deity's popular image.
5. Spell Scroll, 2nd Level (Enthrall). If the targets of the spell are of the symbol's faith, they automatically fail their saving throw.
6. Potion of Invulnerability. If the imbiber dies in the service of the deity while under this potions effects, its liquid will leak from their body. It can be gathered and used again.

24 - Hovering. When released in midair, the item will hover in place, gently wobbling, for a minute before sinking slowly to the floor.

1. Spell Scroll, 1st Level (Chromatic Orb). A glass bead which cycles through a rainbow of colors. This lesser ioun stone must be orbiting to be cast from.
2. Dimensional Shackles. These oily metal shackles wat to be about 3 feet off the ground, and so also resist mundane flight. Anything wearing them must make a DC 14 strength check each round of flight or have its flying speed halved.
3. Ring of Mind Shielding. Release to float like an ioun stone, with the same vulnerabilities. This tin ring cannot become invisible while doing so, but you gain resistance to psychic damage.
4. Potion of Healing. Can shatter the vial to create a 10' radius hazy pink mist that will heal 1 HP to each creature in it for 2d4 rounds.
5. Potion of Healing. Can be poured out into a floating red orb. Anyone passing through it (not just touching it) will trigger the potion's full effect.
6. Potion of Diminution. Potion bottle sporadically grows insect wings and tries to lazily bumble off. Anyone under its effects grows little wings and gains a slow, droning fly speed.

25 - Illustration. Appears to have been drawn rather than crafted.

1. Potion of Healing. An abstract figure drawn on vellum. Staring at it causes some of your wounds to fade and appear on it instead. The image remains once the magic is used.
2. Scimitar of Speed. The blade vanishes when swung, replaced by slicing speed line arcs. Much of the scimitar's efficacy comes from the wielder barely needing to move their hand to slash rapidly.
3. +2 Shield. Lines and shadows appear in the air around the bearer suggesting a 5'x5' crenelated stone tower.
4. Eyes of Charming. Gives you big ol' anime eyes.
5. Wand of Enemy Detection. The direction to the detected enemy is indicated by a large, red floating arrow. The ashes left when this wand runs out of charges are useful in crafting inks for detection scrolls.
6. Censer of Controlling Air Elementals. Swirled with a stylized roseate and cerulean sunset. The lambent elemental it summons appears the same.

26 - Insect-Repelling. Nonmagical, normal-sized insects will not approach the bearer.

1. Ring of Water Elemental Command. Small, non-magical fish, crabs, and such will not approach you while underwater.
2. Potion of Climbing. Catch a climbing insect and drown it in this potion. When you drink it, the effect is extended by 1dX minutes, where X is the number of legs it had.
3. Helm of Telepathy. Shaped like a wrought-iron spider, the legs burrow into your neck and temples when worn. It is traumatic to remove. Its detect thoughts and suggestion effects can affect spiders. Other vermin are too afraid to approach.
4. Spell Scroll, Cantrip (Sacred Flame). Can be burned like a torch, and repels small, non-magical insects while alight. Vermin have disadvantage on saving throws against the spell cast from this scroll.
5. Belt of Hill Giant Strength. Small, non-magical insects will not approach this belt woven from dozens of antennae. Double how far you can move or throw a grappled vermin.
6. Brooch of Shielding. Any small, nonmagical insects that approach you wear this copper spiral are zzzapped.

31 - Instrument. Despite its appearance, this item can be played like a specific instrument. Strumming, blowing, or beating in the general shape is sufficient.

1. Cloak of Elvenkind. Floats and flows around a dancing wearer, accompanying them and granting advantage on their performance check.
2. Spell Scroll, 4th Level (Freedom of Movement). Can be rolled up and played like a flute, allowing a large company easy movement through difficult terrain for a day. Doing so consumes the scroll.
3. Figurine of Wondrous Power, Ivory Goats. While none of the goats have any charges, their horns can be linked up into a shawm. It can be played, once per such linking, to force a creature to caper (as irresistible dance).
4. Potion of Growth. Can be poured into or smeared over a musical instrument to increase the volume of its music a hundred-fold.
5. Spell Scroll, 1st Level (Thunderous Smite). Plaster this onto a gong or a shield and the target of the smite has disadvantage on its saving throw.
6. Potion of Flying. Pluck strings of floating resin from this flask for a one-time, unforgettable performance.

32 - Journal. The item can hold a page's worth a day of writing, and can flip back and forth between previous entries. Use your finger or a twig to write.

1. Brooch of Shielding. Automatically records the source of any damage the bearer takes. The pin is the pen.
2. Boots of Striding and Springing. Remember every surface they've walked over, and can tactilely replay the journey in real time.
3. Ioun Stone, Strength. Blue runes trail the name of each creature you've bested in a wresting or grappling match.
4. Scroll of Protection. Blank when discovered. Write the name of something that's recently wronged you to activate it.
5. Slippers of Spider Climbing. Hold your feet out in front of you, and a web weaving the day's events will slowly form. From the perspective of the feet. Flick to older days with a bloody finger.
6. Spell Scroll, Cantrip (Minor Illusion). Write a description of something you've seen or heard today on this scroll, and observers have disadvantage on saving throws to disbelieve it.

33 - Lascivious. The item enhances feelings of desire or lust in its bearer.

1. Potion of Healing. Fizzes and jostles in its bottle. If drunk while the imbiber is already at full HP, they become substantially more virile for the next month.
2. +3 Trident. Each prong is activated for a day by having a sexy encounter with as many participants.
3. Dancing Sword. As an action, changes to a 10' pole or back. Another action can be used to anchor the pole vertically on any horizontal surface, where it can bear up to 500 pounds or a DC 12 Strength check. (It's a pole dancing sword, shut up.)
4. Potion of Climbing. Stored in a long test tube. If you're using this to get to an object of lust, double your speed.
5. Ring of the Ram. 4 charges, but every time you use the last, your ram horns grow a bit more. Also lady sheep love you.
6. Medallion of Thoughts. Oh. Oh ho ho ho. Hee hee.

34 - Lens. Some portion of or gap in the item magnifies small details when peered through, granting advantage on any ability check made to appraise or inspect an item that is small or highly detailed.

1. Wand of Paralysis. Peering through the forked lens in this wand grants advantage on medicine checks on creatures paralyzed by it.
2. Restorative Ointment. Once all the ointment has been used, peering through the convex bottom of the empty jar grants advantage on medicine checks made to diagnose disease or poison.
3. Staff of the Woodlands. Holds a large drop of water suspended in its boughs. Looking through it grants advantage on checks to identify insects, molds, and other such small things.
4. Oil of Sharpness. In addition to its regular use, may be smeared on glasses or a lens to let the viewer see really small things.
5. Rod of Alertness. A small crystal orb is mounted among the flanges. You have to lean in and look through it for any of the rod's spell effects to work.
6. Crystal Ball of Telepathy. Can zoom in on tiny details of those scryed, but the user gets more and more motion sick while doing so.

35 - Liquid. Use an action to turn the item into a liquid of the same volume or back. The liquid is mercury-like and will not separate easily.

1. Spell Scroll, 5th Level (Cloudkill). A gray egg oozing a perilous stench. Breaking it casts the spell. If it's studied and copied into a spellbook, the book becomes forever vile, but can also be used to cast stinking cloud once a day without spending a spell slot.
2. Elemental Gem (air). Becomes an emerald (water elemental gem) when wet, and turns back into a sapphire (air elemental gem) when dry.
3. Wind Fan. While this fan is liquid, it casts blur instead of gust of wind.
4. Potion of Healing. Use an action to turn this syrup into a striated putty or back. The putty can be molded into a small appendage such as a finger or ear and pressed to a scar to replace one missing.
5. Ioun Stone, Agility. While liquid, this stone leaves red streaks in the air around your head and its AC and DC of Dexterity checks against it increase by 2.
6. Figurine of Wondrous Power, Golden Lions. These only work when submerged in salt water, and transform into sea lions.

36 - Melancholy. Enhances the bearer's urges to brood, stare out the window, pose dramatically in the rain, and write bad poetry.

1. Sovereign Glue. Each bonded item becomes psionically heavier as well, harder to move telekinetically and dolorous.
2. +1 Shield. Dented, pitted, and scratched. Sobs when struck.
3. Dust of Dryness. Everything it affects is reduced to eye crusties.
4. Figurine of Wondrous Power, Onyx Dog. Summons instead a morose hound. Better tracker, worse combatant. Bays pitiably.
5. Spell Scroll, 4th Level (Divination). Even if beneficial, the answer is given in a long, Byronic poem.
6. Potion of Healing. Wounds healed by this potion will ache for a lifetime.

41 - Mirror. All or some part of this item is reflective enough to be used as a mirror.

1. Figurine of Wondrous Power, Serpentine Owl. While transformed, this owl reflects moonlight with a beautiful pearly glow, and can't hide in the night.
2. Eyes of Charming. If you see your own reflection while wearing these shiny lenses, you must pass a DC 13 Wisdom save or be stunned by your own beauty for an hour, until you lose sight of your reflection, or you take any damage.
3. Circlet of Blasting. An ostentatious flashing tiara. Instead of casting scorching ray, it automatically reflects the first casting of that spell that targets you each day.
4. Ring of Jumping. While airborne from the effects of this diamond-studded electrum ring, your sparkling body counts as a mirror.
5. +1 Sling Stones (20). Little disco balls.
6. Iron Flask. Lacquered to a sheen. Won't reflect an image of anything similar to what's captured in it.

42 - Mouldering. Always cold and slightly damp. Smells of niter and dirt. Any cloth or leather components are tattered; metal is varnished.

1. Dagger of Venom. Rusty iron. Victims of its poison also suffer lockjaw, and cannot speak while affected.
2. Spell Scroll, Cantrip (Mage Hand). Scroll barely holding together, conjured hand is half strength.
3. Dust of Disappearance. Magic mold spores. Attempts to track or locate the affected creatures by scent have advantage due to the musty, earthy odor they exude.
4. +1 Scale Mail Armor. Piteously rusted. Doesn't look like it should provide any protection at all, but does somehow. Immune to magical rusting effects.
5. Figurine of Wondrous Power, Bronze Griffon. The statue is pocked and verdigrised. The griffon that appears is in dire need of veterinary care, with half HP and a level of exhaustion. It can be treated but will be sickly when summoned again.
6. Potion of Resistance (Thunder). Feels and smells like aural static. The first time someone affected by this potion takes thunder damage, the rotting resistance applies to everyone in 10 feet and then collapses.

43 - Nip. One type of beast finds the object irresistible, and will seek to nuzzle, gnaw, or roll on it while not threatened.

1. Universal Solvent. Frogs can sense this sludge from miles away. Smaller ones will start to croak and swarm. Larger ones will become increasingly aggressive.
2. Dagger of Venom. Really more like a pincer. The victim of its poison will be preferentially attacked by crabs until the poison is passed.
3. Restorative Ointment. Anyone treated by this silky ointment is irresistible to cats for a week.
4. Shield of Missile Attraction. You can talk to missiles that have struck you for up to a minute afterward. They love you.
5. Manual of Gainful Exercise. The exercises in this tome are decidedly serpentine in nature; you realize this while studying. On completion of studying, you gain a reptilian musk that gives you advantage on Charisma checks versus bestial reptiles, and disadvantage on such checks against birds and their like. Mindful serpentine creatures are slightly inclined towards your stench, but not enough to affect a skill check.
6. Spell Scroll, 5th Level (Reincarnate). Anyone revived by this gnawed scroll also contracts lycanthropy in their new form, becoming a wererat.

44 - Photonic. The item requires light to work and will not function in darkness.

1. Horn of Valhalla, Iron. Can only be blown at daybreak, but summons the maximum number of warriors, who arrive out of the dawn.
2. Spell Scroll, 3rd Level (Gaseous Form). A small plaque of stained glass. The target transforms into shimmering light instead of mist. This variant can pass through liquid, but not darkness.
3. Spell Scroll, 4th Level (Staggering Smite). This scroll is cast by letting bright light pass through incisions in the vellum to lie upon the weapon that will deliver the smite. It requires a free hand and a light source, but no verbal component.
4. Spell Scroll, 4th Level (Aura of Purity). A collection of dozens of glass prisms that hover at the perimeter of the aura. Darkness suppresses but does not dispel their effect.
5. Spell Scroll, Cantrip (Blade Ward). The glowing sigil created by this variant protects against cold, force, and necrotic damage. It requires bright ambient light to fuel it, however.
6. Ioun Stone, Regeneration. If orbiting outdoors for a full reasonably sunny day, also nourishes its owner with absorbed light, feeding them for the day.

45 - Projector. Use an action to have the item create a specific, pre-established illusion effect in a 5-foot cube.

1. Portable Hole. While folded up, use an action to project a 3D snapshot of the hole's current contents.
2. Spell Scroll, 1st Level (Silent Image). This scroll is folded into a small shadowbox. Peering inside shows a miniature stone-walled room, with simple furnishings: a wooden table, a wicker chair, a plank door, a wool rug, an unlit lantern, and a small footlocker. Use an action to make an image of any piece of the room's furnishings appear for a minute. Casting the scroll consumes it and creates an illusion of the entire room.
3. Spell Scroll, 5th Level (Reincarnate). A creature reincarnated by this scroll gains the ability to project an illusion of their old body around their new one at will.
4. Spell Scroll, Cantrip (Sacred Flame). You can choose to have the spell's radiance deal no damage, merely illuminate the targeted creature briefly.
5. Tome of Leadership and Influence. The reader of this tome also gains the ability to cast silent image once a day, but only to robe themselves in finery.
6. Medallion of Thoughts. Can create the illusion of a hovering, dripping brain at will.

46 - Psychic Anchor. Cannot be moved via mage hand, telekinesis, or similar magic, and appears solid and fully colored in the ethereal plane.

1. Spell Scroll, 1st Level (Entangle). The plants conjured by this scroll are wispy and ethereal. Their restraint requires a Charisma saving throw to resist, and has no effect on constructs.
2. +2 Net. Woven from phase spider silk. Creatures with resistance to psychic damage have disadvantage on checks to escape from this net.
3. Figurine of Wondrous Power, Ivory Goats. These statues are carved from unknown ivory. The eyeless, bluish goats they conjure , in addition to the normal effects, are resistant to psychic damage and have blindsight 60'. They are at ease on the ethereal plane.
4. Potion of Climbing. Movement up and down on the ethereal plane doesn't cost extra while under the influence of this potion. Looks like liquid lead and is as heavy as such to psychic effects.
5. Potion of Healing. For as many rounds as HP regained by this thick, indigo potion, you gain advantage on any strength checks made to grapple while on the ethereal plane.
6. Rod of Absorption. Even when depleted, this warm lead rod can always absorb the telekinesis spell.

51 - Purring. Empathically communicates its want to be cradled and stroked. Emits a comforting sound when it is.

1. Marvelous Pigments. Anything painted from these pots will, despite any intent of the artist, contain a sweet little kitten. It's completely real and alive.
2. Lantern of Revealing. Wants to be hooded, and held close to the bearer's chest. Will jostle and wriggle when called to its task - actions to disarm the bearer of the wiggling lantern have advantage.
3. Potion of Invulnerability. Swirls and clambers in its bottle. Wants to be drunk. Feels amazing going down.
4. Staff of the Magi. Topped with a figure of a slumbering bear. When you sleep with the staff nearby, you know it's hungry for spells. Absorbing a spell grants temporary HP equal to the charges gained. This staff can't cast any overtly damaging spells, but can cast sleep (2 charges).
5. Spell Scroll, Cantrip (Druidcraft). This is just a very clever squirrel who can cast druidcraft once a week and understands a few words of Druidic.
6. Gloves of Missile Snaring. Once donned, create a pleasant, fuzzy sensation in the wearer when rubbed together. This quickly becomes a mild compulsion and the wearer tends to wring their hands when stressed.

52 - Shedding. Constantly dropping bits of fur, rust, scales, dust, or bark. Leaves a messy campsite.

1. Belt of Stone Giant Strength. If you left it alone for a week, it'd produce about a stoneweight of fine gravel. While worn, you at least have functionally infinite sling ammunition.
2. Lantern of Revealing. Works by throwing into sharp contrast the ephemera of the creatures in its light: footprints, breath, skin flecks, shed tears.
3. Rope of Climbing. Leaves an incredibly obvious trail of hemp fibers when used.
4. Medallion of Thoughts. You shed stray thoughts. The medallion works as normal, but you have disadvantage on saves against detect thoughts. Psychic creatures probably find you somewhat pathetic.
5. Instrument of the Bards, Canaith Mandolin. Drops stray notes everywhere. At the end of a rest, you can gather them up and cast a cure wounds (1st level) spell, but any musically inclined creature will have an easy time tracking you.
6. Sphere of Annihilation. Sheds tiny motes of nothingness. Doesn't increase its radius significantly, but looks menacing. Anyone who controls the sphere with an action can use a bonus action to make a ranged spell attack (range 10 x Int mod, d10 force damage).

53 - Smuggler's. A hidden interdimensional space the size of a belt pouch is accessible via a command word.

1. Crystal Ball of Mind Reading. The mundane-looking wooden hoop this ball rests on can be reached into to access a small extra-dimensional space.
2. Instrument of the Bards, Cli Lyre. Any of the walls produced by this instrument's magic have a single fist-sized opening visible and passable only by the caster.
3. Elixir of Health. You can dissolve a small item in this potion. If someone drinks it, the next time they're afflicted by any disease or poison they were suffering when the potion cured them, they'll immediately cough up the item.
4. Goggles of Night. Each eyepiece reaches into a separate extradimensional space, each about the size of a fist. They have separate command words, and can't be looked through while open. They will, however, open while worn, regardless of who speaks the word.
5. +1 Shield. There's a cabinet door on the inside of this wooden shield that opens to a small, shallow, shelved cabinet. It would hold a dozen potions or small jars easily, or a buckler if you wanted to rip the shelves out and keep a shield in a shield.
6. Belt of Cloud Giant Strength. This belt expands or contracts to fit its wearer by keeping 50' of leather in an extradimensional space in the buckle. It can be pulled out for various purposes as needed, and retracts like a tape measure, but not while being worn.

54 - Starry. Glints and glimmers. Its shadows and contours seem too deep, with hints of twinkling light within.

1. Spell Scroll, 1st Level (Bane). Cast from this scroll, the spell causes a dire constellation to appear briefly above the targets.
2. Spell Scroll, Cantrip (Druidcraft). This is a mote of starlight that hovers around the owner and can be doused to cast the druidcraft spell. It sheds dim light in a 1' diameter.
3. Helm of Comprehending Languages. While under the effects of this helm's spell, your eyes resemble black, starry pools, and your voice gains a cold timbre.
4. Potion of Climbing. This inky potion twinkles with shimmering specks. It lets you grab onto stars and climb through a clear night sky, but only while you hold your breath.
5. Chime of Opening. Made of a pale, opalescent metal which emits glimmering motes when struck. Its effects are not blocked by sound, but do require uninterrupted dim light to reach and affect their target.
6. Scimitar of Speed. Leaves really cool swaths of sparkling stars and dark sky behind its swings, like it's slicing the night into the world.

55 - Suspendable. Use an action to speak a command word which turns off all the item's abilities. This lasts for a minute, during which time the item does not radiate magic.

1. Figurine of Wondrous Power, Silver Raven. Suspending the figurine's magic also happens to turn it into an ordinary looking dead raven.
2. Spell Scroll, 3rd Level (Lightning Bolt). This scroll is a work of art in lapis lazuli pigments and gold leaf depicting a raging storm worth ten times its normal price. While suspended, the golden lightning fades and the scene calms.
3. Ring of Animal Influence. While this woven grass ring's magic is suspended, you have disadvantage on Charisma checks with animals. Its absence sucks your animal magnetism away.
4. Gem of Seeing. You can end the effect this gem's magic as a reaction. Which might be important, depending on what you accidentally just looked at.
5. Potion of Storm Giant Strength. Suspend this gelid potion's magic while it's active and you'll turn into an ice statue. You're effectively petrified, but require a DC 19 Strength (Athletics) check to move.
6. +1 Hide Armor. While the magic granting this armor's protection is suspended, so too is the magic preventing it from rotting. You'll water eyes an leave an unmissable scent trail for the duration.

56 - Tattoo. Use an action to transform the item into a life-sized tattoo representing it, or back into a real item.

1. Spell Scroll, 2nd Level (Alter Self). You can cast this scroll as a bonus action while it's in its tattoo form, but it's bound to one of the three options.
2. Cloak of Arachnida. While in a spider tattoo form, it will creep around your body trying to avoid detection. It'll try to hide from detect magic under your eyelid.
3. Figurine of Wondrous Power, Serpentine Owl. Rather than a tattoo, it becomes a great green strigine eye embedded in the forehead.
4. Horn of Valhalla, Bronze. Once per week, when this becomes an item after being a tattoo, a fatted goat comes with it. It's sleepy and blinking for a round then goes wild.
5. Bag of Tricks. Won't function until it's been etched on you. When you draw a ball out, it looks like a slack, boneless version of your head. The "animals" it summons are amalgams of your body parts.
6. Spell Scroll, Cantrip (Light). Vellum. Wraps itself around a tiny, held creature that can't resist. It glows like a torch until it dies. If you eat the scribed creature you'll puke up a fresh version of the scroll in a day or two.

61 - Thieves' Tools. Various odd protrusions are quickly realized to be functional thieves' tools.

1. Ioun Stone, Awareness. A tiny constellation of whirring blue threads and lenses. They can't be used as thieves' tools while in orbit. They give you advantage on saves against any traps triggered while using them as such, though.
2. Spell Scroll, Cantrip (True Strike). This ratty scroll is wrapped around an ordinary set of thieves' tools. If you pick a lock with them, you can cast the scroll (once) as a bonus action against the last person who locked the lock.
3. Boots of Levitation. While you're floating, you can spend an action to tease the laces out of these boots to act as squiggly thieves' tools. Putting them back in takes an action, too. Moving with unlaced boots reduces your speed by 10.
4. Spell Scroll, 8th Level (Mind Blank). Etched on the inside of a roll of fine thieves' tools. While the scroll is unused, anyone passing a trap or lock bypassed by the tools must pass a DC 15 Charisma saving throw to notice they've been sprung.
5. Staff of Fire. This flanged staff can also spend 1 charge to attempt to melt a lock. Make a spell attack roll against the DC thieves' tools would be required to pick it. On a success, the lock is bypassed, but very obviously ruined and cannot be relocked.
6. Rod of Absorption. The shaft of this rod is hollow and holds a set of thieves' tools. You can expend up to 5 levels of the rod's energy to get the same bonus to a check with those tools.

62 - Toothed. Rimmed with teeth of various species. Grates and grinds. If left alone with rations they always seem somewhat gnawed later.

1. Amulet of the Planes. A circle of teeth, whose center suggests a vague peristaltic pulse. If this portal would send you to a random plane, it instead sends you to The Gullet.
2. Oil of Slipperiness. Rattles when shaken. If a creature under the effects of freedom of movement from this oil escapes a grapple, the grappler takes d6 piercing damage. Same to anything that falls in the oil spilled by it.
3. Alchemy Jug. A eyeless skull with 10. Orifices. Uncomfortably round. Every quart of fluid it creates has a tooth in it.
4. Potion of Climbing. Rather than a potion, a tiny, grinning money skull full of spiders. That you eat.
5. Frost Brand. Carved from the jaw of a frost dragon, the extra damage it deals is piercing rather than frost. Also extremely evident it's a dragon jaw.
6. Boots of Levitation. Just a pair of flayed beholder larvae you're wearing like sandals.

63 - Trophy. Was crafted as a reward for a great competition. Bears the winner's name and the event's dates.

1. Spell Scroll, 3rd Level (Major Image). A law so momentous was passed that it embedded a memory of itself onto the court scribe's scroll. The spell can be cast from this scroll once per day without expending it to create a vision of that specific event. However it is cast, Intelligence checks to examine it have disadvantage, so long as the spell is recreating that court at that moment.
2. Helm of Brilliance. This looks new, but seems to have come from a land only referenced in children's' stories. The light it casts is tinged with green and gold, and the dedication is to a well-known folk hero. The opals cast sending instead of daylight, and their messages arrive as a nursery rhyme.
3. Crystal Ball of True Seeing. The final prize in a centuries-long trial between diviners to write the most perfect future. Similar to the philosopher's stone, it finally came into the possession only of the one who no longer needed it. It was etched with their name all along.
4. Spell Scroll, 7th Level (Conjure Celestial). A stone tablet etched with runes filled with gold. It dates back millennia, if anyone can even understand the archaic figures and ancient calendars referenced. The contest was for "the heart of the sun". This was granted to one of the judges.
5. Ioun Stone, Intellect. Only a decade or so old, this was awarded to a researcher who invented a new form of siege weapon. It wishes the bearer "future brilliance".
6. Spell Scroll, 1st Level (Bane). This certificate was a dummy prize, awarded to the last-place of a long-vanished village's seasonal games centuries past. Their shame and humiliation still soaks the parchment.

64 - Tuning. Use an action to strike the item and produce a single, specific note that can be heard clearly for 100 feet. The note continues for a minute or until another action is used to silence it.

1. Ring of Fire Elemental Command. This ring has a mote of sloshing magma set into a groove. While the ring's low note sounds, the magma orbits the ring at a slow pace, and small, nonmagical fires within 100' stream towards the wearer.
2. Mirror of Life Trapping. Each of the mirror's 12 cells corresponds to a note on a dissonant scale. The cell can be activated by playing that note. The creatures within the cells can also trigger the note, having it sound in any other cell, allowing a crude form of communication within the mirror.
3. Carpet of Flying. Fringed with tiny tinkling bells instead of tassels. It can't fly silently, but while its note is ringing the bells align, and the carpet glide on a wave of sound, increasing its speed by 10.
4. Wand of Lightning Bolts. The forked branch of a lightning-struck oak. Within the radius of its rumbling note, hair stands on end, dogs whine, and doorknobs and cutlery spark to the touch.
5. Potion of Hill Giant Strength. Ting the empty bottle of this potion with your fingernail to make any hill giant who can hear its piercing chime very, very angry.
6. Well of Many Worlds. Sensitive to the planar tuning forks older versions of the plane shift spell used. You can make a Charisma (Performance) check with the appropriate instrument to force the gate to open to the tuned plane.

65 - Twinned. Has a duplicate. Its bearer can use an action to learn the direction (but not the distance) to the twin.

1. Potion of Greater Healing. The twinning works on both the bearer of the potion and anyone who has been healed by in the past week. Also a powerful aphrodisiacal if both parties have imbibed.
2. Spell Scroll, 2nd Level (Flaming Sphere). One scroll summons a miniature sun. Its twin summons a miniature moon. The lunar version deals cold damage, and only sheds dim light in a 10-foot radius, but otherwise behaves the same.
3. +1 Arrows (20). Any of these arrows that retain their magic can be spun to point the way to the nearest of its set, even if the target's magic has been expended.
4. Potion of Healing. Drinking either causes the other to start to vibrate, regardless of the distance. If not consumed within a round after the vibrations start, it will explode for 2d4+2 piercing damage to all within 5 feet (DC 13 Dexterity saving throw for half).
5. Dwarven Thrower. Long ago owned by a pair of quarrelsome dwarven siblings. They are slightly intelligent magic items sworn to defeat giants, who will drive their bearers to greater and greater feats of one-upmanship to that end.
6. Spell Scroll, 7th Level (Divine Word). Each of these scrolls holds part of a divine chord. Effective by themselves, but if cast together (one caster triggers to the other) the hit point caps for all effects are doubled, and creatures that would be forced out of the plane have disadvantage on their saving throws.

66 - Verdant. Small living leaves sprout from the item, patches are woven of moss, or any wood is damp and sap-filled.

1. Animated Shield. A wooden shield. When activated it sprouts roots and branches to animate itself. It is fixed in place and will protect you or return to your hand only while you remain adjacent to it.
2. Figurine of Wondrous Power, Marble Elephant. Carved from ivory wood rather than a tusk. The elephant it becomes is a hollow wooden construct instead of a beast, with a hatch in its belly. Up to six medium creatures can fit inside, and the mouth slit lets one see outside with three-quarters cover. The elephant is vulnerable to fire damage.
3. Deck of Illusions. Printed on slips of bark. Any illusion summoned by one of the cards appears in a vegetable form, woven of vines instead of flesh, sprouting leaves instead of hair, bark instead of scales, and so on.
4. Spell Scroll, 1st Level (Hellish Rebuke). This spell is encoded in the the needle patterns of a prickly, potted cactus.
5. Robe of the Archmagi. Smells like generations of tobacco and soup. Loose bits of parchment poking out the sleeves and collar at all times. At the end of a long rest pull a random wizard scroll out. D6: 1-3, cantrip; 4-5, level 1; 6, level 2.
6. Spell Scroll, 2nd Level (Blur). A sash of rustling, varicolored autumn oak leaves with a bronze squirrel clasp.

20 Magic Beards

Method of Application

1. Hooks around the ears. Removable. Usually.
2. Pill or potion that grows the beard overnight.
3. Salve or oil that is rubbed into an existing beard, granting the effects immediately.
4. Enchanted mirror - gazing within reflects you with a magnificent beard, then shatters.
5. Attached to a mask that slightly limits perception.
6. Manual that prescribes esoteric diet and exercise. Growing the beard takes a month, but you know what you're getting into.

The Beards

1. Axed Beard - Long and oily, creeping up the face. Smells like yelling. Spend an action staring, screaming, and flexing, and a full on battle axe comes flying out like you'd thrown it wildly with two hands. After ricocheting around a bit it can be picked up and used like a normal battle axe but dissolves after an hour into fingernails, snail slime, and moans.
2. Beer Beard - Wispy about the mouth but long and full under the chin. Smells like hops. Once per day can be wrung out into d4 nourishing and highly intoxicating rations, which the wearer is as immune to as they'd like.
3. Bear Beard - Short and full and moustached. Smells like pine. The bearer of the bear beard is blessed in bouts of bare-knuckle brawling.
4. Deer Beard - Dozens of short antlers and prongs growing down from the chin and face. Smells like velvet. The wearer gets a short-sword like unarmed melee attack. Ungulates and many forest deities will see them as a threat to their virility.
5. Drear Beard - Insubstantial but heavy, climbs the face, and pulls the head down in idle moments. Smells like old wood. The wearer's personality becomes more dour, and they have advantage on saving throws to be frightened or charmed. They also have to pass a saving throw to enter states of heightened emotion like rage or heroism
6. Eerie Beard - Thin, wispy, and moves on its own - affects the eyebrows. Smells like your grandmother's shed. While the wearer holds their breath and shoves the beard into their mouth with both hands, they can see invisible and ethereal things.
7. Feared Beard - So black it's blue. Smells like cannon smoke. The wearer can become terribly present and intimidating in these scenarios, but they must do so in each before they can in another again: an intimate conversation; a battlefield; a council.
8. Geared Beard - Wires, sauter, steel wool, gears, and cogs - atwitch and clicking. Smells like machine oil. Works as a tinkerer's kit and can hold several small items within its coils. 
9. Missile Bristles - Literally a beard made of arrows and bolts, with arrowheads forming the moustache. Smells like flint. Bearer finds it hard to run out of ammunition. Once per day, shake them bristles to make an arrow attack against everything in swinging distance.
10. Queered Beard - Looks like whatever the bearer chooses each day. Smells like stardrops. The bearer is assured of who they are and has advantage on saving throws to be charmed or dominated.
11. Rubble Stubble - Rock climbs the bearer's face. Smells like dust. In addition to supplying nigh-infinite sling stones, this beard lets the bearer ruminate rocks as rations.
12. Seared Beard - Cinders and chars, extends to the head and body. Smells like burnt hair and flesh. The bearer cannot catch on fire but can easily choose to cause any held combustible to catch. Wild carnivores are more likely to follow their scent.
13. Sheared Beard (cursed) - SMOOTH. Smells like baby powder. This replaces any existing magic beards and prevents the bearer from either bearing a new one or growing a natural one. Some may not view this as a curse. It can only be removed by an experienced hirstutiomancer.
14. Smeared Beard - ?? Is that?? Are you? Smell? The face of the bearer (who?) becomes rough and forgettable in the minds of everyone who.. who... what?
15. Sphered Beard - Mathematically precise orb that follows the bearer's face on a short delay. Smells like pie. Once per day the bearer can turn the effect of a spell they cast into a sphere. Doing so destroys the beard, but it regrows while they sleep.
16. THE BEARD OF WORMS (cursed)  - Worms. Smells like worms. Is worms. This rare curse can only be bestowed by the Albatross Golem. Earthworms grow from the victim's face - they must be fed and tended like real earthworms, which usually means keeping your face buried in a bowl of dirt most of the day. If any die, they start to rot and stink and spread such infections to their host. Plucking them out is as about as pleasant as plucking out a fingernail, and they grow back much faster.
17. Thistle Bristles - A gnarl of weeds and thorns that clambers over the shoulders. Smells like late summer. The bearer is unappetizing and certainly unpleasant to grapple. They have extreme difficulty donning pullovers, however.
18. Weird Beard - Asymmetrical, but only after you've looked for a moment. Smells like apple leaf mold and leather and eggs. The bearer begins to favor outcasts and such more. Once per day, they may use an action while glaring at a target within close range and stroking the beard poignantly with one hand to (roll a d6):
1. Conjure a placebo flamingo into the target's space. This is an angry pink bird that will bluster around trying to fly away. If, however, it's caught and rubbed against someone who can by whatever means be convinced they're drinking a healing potion rather than being assaulted by an ornery bird, it will heal as a healing potion.
2. A fuzzy kitten appears in the target's space. They can't move past it, but they can move around it.
3. A sparrow of slaying builds a nest in the beard. If you don't shave or wash much for a month, it will lay an egg. Smear that egg over a missile weapon to make it a slaying weapon versus the stared creature's type. Or raise it up and see what happens!
4. The hairs of the beard weave themselves into 3 mawths. Each has the stats of a raven with moth wings and a rough, hairy approximation of the targeted creature's face and voice and a huge mouth. They hate you but they hate the targeted creature slightly more.
5. The hairs of the beard weave themselves into a convincing mask of the observed. It's permanent until you shave.
6. All the target's gold becomes hairy and heavy and woven together and awkward. It'll burn off in a fire, but it's basically impossible to pickpocket them.
19. Whistle Bristles - Like a bamboo wind chime dangling from your chin. Smells fresh and green. The bearer can accompany themselves on wind instruments, and always has a moment's worth of fresh air stored within their singing beard. They can spend their turn to make a saving throw to turn wind magic back on its caster. None of this works if they're prone or underwater.
20. Zyrd's Beard - A slab of dark wood carved in the shape of a luxurious beard. Smells like citrus and grain alcohol. Last remnant of a dwarven wizard gourmand, this inflexible beard readily floats to obscure any workings of the jaw (including speech). At will it will produce a small, sharply scented napkin from its mouth which can be used to clean the hands, lips, or whatever, to great efficacy.