Books Completed in February 2022

 Am I doing this every month now?

unnovations from zeppotron.com - This is a print version of a catalog of fake items from their website back in the 2000s sometime. Popped into my head and, though I wasn't able to find a decent archive, I was able to pick up this print copy on the cheap. This is a perfect example of the kind of humor I often find hilarious and leaves my wife stone-faced cold. Absolute nonsense presented as staid fact. Products include "The pocket hand-expansion bee that helps you appease Chad Michaels, woodland god", "Could this be the world's most dramatically effective baker-infuriating hat?", "Flying onion-and-sock squadron keeps mewling kids out of your hair for a second", and "The mouthless stumbling boy creature that shakes illegal intruders to the very core". Dumb.

The Book of Imaginary Beings by Jorge Luis Borges - I have a feeling this was not meant to be read cover-to-cover, but I've been reading RPG bestiaries that way for so long it felt natural. And there is a lot in here that could be harvested for a game. Humans made of shifting patterns of heat, and the conceptual ancestor to the salamander, the pyrausta. There's more than a dash of orientalism in here--alongside including Biblical and Talmudic creatures it makes for a surreal read, but I guess that's Borges.

The Secret History by Procopius - The Bright Ages, which I read last month, basically dedicates a chapter to this ancient screed. I had started in on it a bit last year but came back after reading that, so I have to admit to some prejudice in my read. The hate-boner for Theodora is on display. I was struck by how many of Justinian's described flaws reminded me of our 45th president--some incompetencies are consistent across the centuries it would seem. The mention of the monstrous whale Porphyrius was a surprise that I am stealing for a game.

Riot Baby by Tochi Onyebuchi - This was a hell of a way to kick off Black History Month. Not sure what to say here, or if it's my place to say anything at all or just hush and read the thing. I guess I'll say the parts that are speculative are chillingly believable.

Food (The Nib #11) - A quarterly comics compilation from thenib.com which I get from subscribing. My favorite entries in this installment were about the history of yams, and about feeding migratory vultures in Thailand. The longer form entries didn't click for me for some reason as much as the ones in previous issues had, though.

The City We Became by N. K. Jemisin - Among other things, this is a paen to New York City. A lot of that was lost on me--I've only been once, and the things that were described as making it wonderful here didn't connect for me. That said, all the other things this story is connected like a brick, and I'm looking forward to the next two books. Writing horror and writing horror movie imagery are different beasts, and the latter usually falls flat when attempted, but she makes it dance (writhe)? The chapters where one of the characters is facing down both otherworldly horrors and a real-world doxing simultaneously really stuck out to me.

All Systems Red by Martha Wells - This novelette confronts a surprising number of questions about free will and the borders of humanity for a story whose protagonist is named "Murderbot". You'd expect more action sequences, but the ones here are crisp and meaningful. The speculative nature of a future dominated by lowest bidders is perhaps too easy to believe right now.

Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde by Robert Louis Stevenson - Spoilers for a 130-year-old book coming up. One thing that popular culture has turned around in this story over the decades is having Hyde be hulking and Jekyll being a meek little man. In the original, Jekyll is a robust man, and Hyde is smaller and wizened, which the doctor speculates might be due to his evil nature not having been exercised much in his life so far. The story leans on a trope I don't think you see much these days, but still has legs--a scientist compounds some incredible formula, but one of the ingredients in the original batch is impure in a way they cannot rediscover. Speaking of tropes, you don't get many people dying of shock over the course of several weeks these days.

The Illithiad by Bruce R. Cordell - I discovered this while cleaning the basement, having thought it lost or sold years ago. It's a fun little splatbook from AD&D 2e all about mind flayers. I wonder how some of it would actually be used at the table, but it does have possibly the creepiest psychic power ever published for D&D: "Crisis of Breath", which shuts down the target's automatic breathing, forcing them to focus on it, to the point of foregoing sleep. The formatting is very weird, with the font just changing to a narrow sans-serif for a few sentences seemingly at random, then switching back. Not sure if it was a conscious decision or they just rushed it to the printer.

Lego Dungeon: Oblivion's Kite

The impetus for this was a few handfuls of Lego spilling from a broken bag, then deciding to see if I could use them all in a single structure. Not to scale, more of a sensory homunculus, but for adventure instead of touch.

Graphic design is my passion.

Astral barge. Would crumple in reality.

It is primarily a cargo ship but supplements its means by transporting prisoners, gathering interesting materials from far-flung corners of the multiverse, and light opportunistic piracy.

The Animus Drive

Contains two pocket dimensions, one with an angel (Xuxara) and one with a devil (Araxux). They can see each other but can't cross the boundary. Their shared hate is captured by the enclosure and provides power and thrust through a realm of thought.

There is a maintenance shaft that leads into each dimension from outside. Being here bathes anyone in a wash of leaking conflicting energy. It's radiation poisoning that is also judging you.

These beings now desire only destruction. If one is freed, it will immediately seek to ravage Oblivion's Kite and its crew. The one still locked away will go apoplectic though, causing the ship to accelerate wildly for a while. If both are freed, they will immediately engage each other in a duel of annihilation long-delayed.

Solipsistic Baffle

The primal conflict in the Animus Drive is deflected by a long arm carved with backwards-facing runes and spells and rituals of nothingness. This entire structures is devoted to negating the presence of the drive, other than channeling a modicum of its power towards the ship's shields and life support.

Exposed to the astral winds. There is no atmosphere or gravity here. Lined with handholds and spars for when repairs are absolutely needed.

Can drop paradoxes in its wake. Basically drops a wall of force at the direction of the helm each turn.

Hull

The bulk of the Kite, but mostly dedicated to tight corridors and storage. There is a large hatched airlock on each side with a dozen or so leather atmosphere suits at the ready should the crew need to venture outside the hull for repairs.

The hull's exterior is studded with crimson nodes that draw on the vast reserves of the animus battery to emit a force field. These fields overlap like scales, protecting the Kite from astral winds and attackers. If manned by a crew member, the nodes can also release a magic missile spell every round, though doing so redirects the power such that they do not project a shield that round.

Humped up above the quarters are the storerooms. Years' worth of foodstuff, water, salt, cloth, wire. Some rooms haven't been visited in years. These may contain stranger things, or the haunt of a lost crewmate or stowaway.

Slung below the quarters is the battery. Thousands and thousands of glazed red clay jars each containing a tiny fragment of Xuxara & Araxux's animosity. All wired up and into the hull of the Kite with a mesh of fine silver wire, supplying power throughout. A huge silver cord runs in from the Solipsistic Baffle and branches, branches, branches to feed the battery pots.

If an amicus pot is disconnected, it maintains its charge. If it breaks, it explodes like a small bomb. Opening the lid and huffing the hate inside charges you up like a berserker for a bit.

Checkpoint

Isolates the more sensitive portions of the Kite from the day-to-day of the crew, guests, and, tacitly, the Obliterati. Guarded by Warden Mongdubak and their spiders. 

There is a maintenance crawlspace accessible from the exterior of the baffle, which leads to a small chamber beyond the checkpoint. Most of the crew know about this space, and feel slightly smug about Mongdubak's posturing for it, though it is seldom used because of the dangers its exterior access incur.

Iron Brig

Oblivion's Kite makes some of its way by ferrying troublesome prisoners, hostages, and scions between realms. These unfortunates spend their transit in the Iron Brig.

This is an iron cube, 30 feet on a side outside, 20 feet inside, and laced with silver wire that channels animus energy to be variably magnetic. The magnetism is controlled either by a ring worn by the warden, or from the helm. Prisoners are fitted with heavy iron bracers, anklets, and gorget. The magnetism can be disabled for the compliant, or ratcheted up to hold even the strongest locked against the floor and wall.

The Iron Brig can also be detached from the Kite by a hidden control on the helm. 

The Vivarium

A green hill with a sweeping view. It's mostly extremely skilled horticulture, but there's a smidgen of dimensional magic at play here.

The centerpiece of the vivarium is the colossal scion tree that holds grafts from a thousand worlds. If you need a rare or supposedly extinct fruit or leaf, there is a good chance a small number can be found here. However it's also extremely likely to trigger latent and unknown allergies in anyone who approaches it.

Astral Wing

A delicate blue structure that sticks out from the bulk of the hull's protective force scales.

The Forageurs trail the fingers of a gauntlet-like artifice through astral winds, sweeping them into glass vials for analysis and preservation. These winds carry memories and emotions--the Forageurs are mostly academics, but help fund the Kite's operations selling some choice experiences to discerning clients.

The massive sensor array trailing off from above helps orient the helm. If it is damaged or tampered with, piloting the Kite becomes more difficult. The Forageurs tend to tweak the data it sends to try and lead the ship to unexplored realms.

Helm

Control array takes the uninitiated some challenging Intelligence checks to figure out and control, though the captain and first mate are extremely familiar with it, and any crew member could try in a pinch. The Kite navigates relative to astral color pools, and has a huge store of maps and charts it can pull up in a crystalline display.

If the Kite is in distress the hull's manifold magic missile nodes can't address, the helm can be brought to bear. A cannon looses a stream of pure vitriol, basically blasting out a disintegrate spell every other round.

Cathedral of Oblivion

The vacuous throne is occupied by Their Absence as they travel the realms spreading the nihilistic gospel of the Obliterati. Unknown by the crew, the throne can activate a stasis field and detach itself from the main of the Kite, allowing Their Absence an escape should the ship find itself seriously endangered.

From the observation deck Their Absence preaches against a backdrop of majestic astral desolation, sealed in a dome of force.

The Obliterati are tolerated on the ship because they have captured and now maintain the spiritual energies in the Amicus Drive. Their whisper network also generally leads the Kite to the Iron Brig's next occupant.

Cargo Bay

The most mundane method of providing for the Kite, though any cargo deemed fit to be shipped across the astral plane likely makes "mundane" seem extremely relative. Also the site of the largest bay doors.

Factions

The Crew

A hundred or so of all species. 

Control: Hull, cargo, helm, baffle, crawlspace

Ideals: Efficiency, drunkenness.

Captain Keloid: A leather golem made of the hides of a dozen previous first mates and stuffed with shards of broken animus pots. Wears a bandoleer of animus pots. Cares only for the survival of Oblivion's Kite. And knitting.

First Mate Red: Human, seeks luxury in all things. The crew finds them rather aloof and prim, but cannot deny their sense for finding rich marks and unerring fairness in dividing up spoils or profits.

Bosun Grigoriun: Arithmomanic gnome. The only one who knows the contents of every room, crate, and sack in the hold, and the charge of every amicus pot. 

The Obliterati

A dozen or so, all of a nameless race that settled the astral plane millennia ago. They are gangly bipeds with semi-translucent azure skin, solid black eyes, nails, and teeth. They can redirect their nerve impulses to control their sense of pain and generate electrical shocks.

Control: Cathedral, drive, brig

Ideals: Nihilism, grandeur.

Their Absence: The nameless leader. Favors a huge translucent cloak in which float oily rainbow images of astral winds.

Warden Mongdubak: Canny ranger whose spider allies hide in numerous small alcoves of the checkpoint to help poison or restrain any who would attempt to pass the checkpoint unapproved.

The Forageurs

As diverse as the crew. Dedicated to exploring and collecting samples from across the multiverse, gathering knowledge for knowledge's sake.

Control: Scoop, vivarium, checkpoint

Ideals: Exploration, preservation

Tender Small: Ancient halfling horticulturist who has dedicated their life to the scion tree. Knows where each graft came from, its health and specific needs. Always eager for new branches and fruits.

oon'Bwee b'b'Beh: The enigmatic master of the astral wing's gauntlet. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qQ6qw1nh0tA 

12 Greenwater Premade Characters

I have been noodling on an adventure-in-a-box with simple premade 5e characters for a while. It would be based on my first dungeon map from, oh, thirtyish years ago.

Here they are as they stand, based on some combination of official 5e sidekicks, the Unearthed Arcana approach, and whatever I felt like. Four warriors, four experts, and four casters, each ready to face a challenge in the temple at the edge of their town. The hope is that everyone in an online group would be able to pick a column out of this spreadsheet in a minute or two, then the DM hides the others, and we're off.

https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1inS0S0eb8PCRIUcjfzguGGgbihuexiRSMkO5VKGQnv4/

These use the alternate rules from the DMG where there are no individual skills, just ability checks. It's pretty clear except for expertise. Here expert characters get to double their proficiency modifier for one ability's checks.

Casters, of course, require a little more consideration. They can choose between ritual casting and armored casting. Here are their spells and magic rules boiled down to a single page each. The grandparent is the oddest of the bunch, for sure.

https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1OcNjERLh75Q_YB0gYP7dLC9eiKxJkE2y 

Some spells and effects in this adventure are different from published rules. Mainly, healing via second wind, potions, or magic restores 2d4+2 HP. That's just to keep things simple in the mind of new players. 

Considering how to manage leveling up in the course of the adventure, if at all.